August 10th, 2010 — 3:19pm
(Being an all-too-occasional service provided to late arrivals. Please do take your seats as quickly and quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the other readers. And remember, mobile telephonic devices should be switched OFF.)
Elizabeth receives a mysterious summons to meet Mr Wickham at the quarry, where there is much tentacle-slashing and unpleasantness … Mr Darcy requires an heir and Elizabeth offers to help, although Mr Darcy has to leave for London before they can proceed further … Mr Bingley enters a series of unwise business arrangements … Elizabeth has a confusing conversation with old Mr Firth … Wickham fails to charm Becoming Jane … Colonel Sutherland sends Wickham to Whitechapel, where he meets Annie Chapman and observes Mr Darcy going into Mr Collins’ Mission … In the Mission, Mary Ann Nicholls is Chosen by Mr Darcy, subsequently giving unnatural birth to an alien, following which her body is sent forward in time, leaving her confused ghost back in the present, where she finds Wickham’s card on Annie Chapman’s corpse, leading her to the Department, wherein she finds her alien child captive in a cage … Mr Darcy leaves the Mission to head back to Pemberley … The Dandy Highwayman and his tantalisingly unidentified accomplice kidnap a traveller, wipe his brain and probe him, keeping him locked in a dungeon at Rosings where he communicates with a fellow detainee before escaping without his clothes, a state of affairs which he soon rectifies at the expense of a local gamekeeper … Charlotte Collins, unwell and raving about tentacles, travels back to Rosings with Elizabeth, where they meet the extraordinary Lord Byron who introduces them to his cheroots and then accompanies them to supper with Lady Catherine de Bourgh … Wickham acquires a beard and makes his way to Rosings as well, disguised as a rough cottager with aloe vera issues, and rescues Elizabeth, Charlotte and Lord Byron from Lady Catherine and her alien guests … Elizabeth, dismissing all stories of aliens as fantasies brought about by Lord Byron’s substances, returns to Pemberley to make preparations for the Midsummer Ball whilst avoiding her husband who is behaving oddly … Charlotte is ensconced in a commune in Glastonbury … Wickham is relieved of alien duties and is put onto ghost-hunting instead, in the course of which he meets Mary Ann Nicholls, who imparts disturbing information that leads him to suspect that Elizabeth is in danger … during the course of the Midsummer Ball, it transpires that her husband is in fact an alien pretending to be her husband, but her real husband turns out to be the traveller who was kidnapped by the Dandy Highwayman and has now also made his way back to Pemberley in time for the Ball … Elizabeth is saved in the nick of time from alien abduction by the arrival of Colonel Sutherland and H (Sir Humphry Davy) in an entirely gratuitous dirigible … Sutherland, Wickham, H, along with Elizabeth and her real husband leave Pemberley in the dirigible, although Mr Darcy is not at all well after his ordeal … they arrive at Mr Collins’ Mission, determined to trap him into telling them how they can secretly get into Rosings, but he has set a trap for them instead … Lady Catherine de Bourgh turns up and decides that Mr Collins has now outlived his usefulness, so she zaps him into the future, where he becomes the Rector of Stiffkey … she then threatens to kill the others, until they are saved by the unexpected intervention of a quartet of poltergeists, who turn out to be Annie Chapman and three other victims of alien Mr Darcy … back on board the gratuitous dirigible, it is decided that Mr Darcy is in need of the healing waters of Bath Spa … whilst in Bath, it turns out that the dreaded Jane Austen Festival is in full swing with the result that the place is full of people pretending to be zombies … in the midst of all this, Wickham seizes his opportunity to get his favourite author’s autograph … Lydia is still missing.
So there we are. It all makes perfect sense, does it not? Comments are open, should you wish to add your twopenn’orth. This is a respectable site, so no intemperate language or lewd behaviour will be tolerated. Anyone speaking French will obviously be shown the door immediately, as will anyone who asks for “Prussian”.
Now read on …
2 comments » | Previously ...
May 17th, 2010 — 11:58pm
(Being an all-too-occasional service provided to late arrivals. Please do take your seats as quickly and quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the other readers. And remember, mobile telephonic devices should be switched OFF.)
Elizabeth receives a mysterious summons to meet Mr Wickham at the quarry, where there is much tentacle-slashing and unpleasantness … Mr Darcy requires an heir and Elizabeth offers to help, although Mr Darcy has to leave for London before they can proceed further … Mr Bingley enters a series of unwise business arrangements … Elizabeth has a confusing conversation with old Mr Firth … Wickham fails to charm Becoming Jane … Colonel Sutherland sends Wickham to Whitechapel, where he meets Annie Chapman and observes Mr Darcy going into Mr Collins’ Mission … In the Mission, Mary Ann Nicholls is Chosen by Mr Darcy, subsequently giving unnatural birth to an alien, following which her body is sent forward in time, leaving her confused ghost back in the present, where she finds Wickham’s card on Annie Chapman’s corpse, leading her to the Department, wherein she finds her alien child captive in a cage … Mr Darcy leaves the Mission to head back to Pemberley … The Dandy Highwayman and his tantalisingly unidentified accomplice kidnap a traveller, wipe his brain and probe him, keeping him locked in a dungeon at Rosings where he communicates with a fellow detainee before escaping without his clothes, a state of affairs which he soon rectifies at the expense of a local gamekeeper … Charlotte Collins, unwell and raving about tentacles, travels back to Rosings with Elizabeth, where they meet the extraordinary Lord Byron who introduces them to his cheroots and then accompanies them to supper with Lady Catherine de Bourgh … Wickham acquires a beard and makes his way to Rosings as well, disguised as a rough cottager with aloe vera issues, and rescues Elizabeth, Charlotte and Lord Byron from Lady Catherine and her alien guests … Elizabeth, dismissing all stories of aliens as fantasies brought about by Lord Byron’s substances, returns to Pemberley to make preparations for the Midsummer Ball whilst avoiding her husband who is behaving oddly … Charlotte is ensconced in a commune in Glastonbury … Wickham is relieved of alien duties and is put onto ghost-hunting instead … Lydia is still missing.
So there we are. It all makes perfect sense, does it not? Comments are open, should you wish to add your twopenn’orth. This is a respectable site, so no intemperate language or lewd behaviour will be tolerated. Anyone speaking French will obviously be shown the door immediately, as will anyone who asks for “Prussian”.
Now read on …
Comment » | Previously ...
April 20th, 2010 — 4:23pm
(Being an all-too-occasional service provided to late arrivals. Please do take your seats as quickly and quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the other readers. And remember, mobile telephonic devices should be switched OFF.)
Elizabeth receives a mysterious summons to meet Mr Wickham at the quarry, where there is much tentacle-slashing and unpleasantness … Mr Darcy requires an heir and Elizabeth offers to help, although Mr Darcy has to leave for London before they can proceed further … Mr Bingley enters a series of unwise business arrangements … Elizabeth has a confusing conversation with old Mr Firth … Wickham fails to charm Becoming Jane … Colonel Sutherland sends Wickham to Whitechapel, where he meets Annie Chapman and observes Mr Darcy going into Mr Collins’ Mission … In the Mission, Mary Ann Nicholls is Chosen by Mr Darcy, subsequently giving unnatural birth to an alien, following which her body is sent forward in time, leaving her confused ghost back in the present, where she finds Wickham’s card on Annie Chapman’s corpse … Mr Darcy leaves the Mission to head back to Pemberley … The Dandy Highwayman and his tantalisingly unidentified accomplice kidnap a traveller, wipe his brain and probe him, keeping him locked in a dungeon at Rosings where he communicates with a fellow detainee before escaping without his clothes … Charlotte Collins, unwell and raving about tentacles, travels back to Rosings with Elizabeth, where they meet the extraordinary Lord Byron who introduces them to his cheroots and then accompanies them to supper with Lady Catherine de Bourgh … Wickham acquires a beard and makes his way to Rosings as well, disguised as a rough cottager with aloe vera issues, and rescues Elizabeth, Charlotte and Lord Byron from Lady Catherine and her alien guests … Lydia is still missing.
So there we are. It all makes perfect sense, does it not? Comments are open, should you wish to add your twopenn’orth. This is a respectable site, so no intemperate language or lewd behaviour will be tolerated. Anyone speaking French will obviously be shown the door immediately, as will anyone who asks for “Prussian”.
Now read on ...
Comment » | Previously ...
March 8th, 2010 — 9:00am
(Being a service provided to late arrivals. Please do take your seats as quickly and quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the other readers. And remember, mobile telephonic devices should be switched OFF.)
Elizabeth receives a mysterious summons to meet Mr Wickham at the quarry, where there is much tentacle-slashing and unpleasantness … Mr Darcy requires an heir and Elizabeth offers to help, although Mr Darcy has to leave for London before they can proceed further … Mr Bingley enters a series of unwise business arrangements … Elizabeth has a confusing conversation with old Mr Firth … Wickham fails to charm Becoming Jane … Colonel Sutherland sends Wickham to Whitechapel, where he meets Annie Chapman and observes Mr Darcy going into Mr Collins’ Mission … In the Mission, Mary Ann Nicholls is Chosen by Mr Darcy, subsequently giving unnatural birth to an alien, following which her body is sent forward in time, leaving her confused ghost back in the present … The Dandy Highwayman and his tantalisingly unidentified accomplice kidnap a traveller, wipe his brain and probe him … Charlotte Collins, unwell and raving about tentacles, travels back to Rosings with Elizabeth … Wickham acquires a beard and makes his way to Rosings as well, disguised as a rough cottager with aloe vera issues … Lord Byron plays the bouzouki, amongst other things … Lydia is still missing.
So there we are. It all makes perfect sense. Comments are open, should you wish to add your twopenn’orth. This is a respectable site, so no intemperate language or lewd behaviour will be tolerated. Anyone speaking French will obviously be shown the door immediately, as will anyone who asks for “Prussian”.
Now read on …
Comment » | Previously ...
February 8th, 2010 — 8:47am
(Being a service provided to late arrivals. Please do take your seats as quickly and quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the other readers. And remember, mobile telephonic devices should be switched OFF.)
Elizabeth receives a mysterious summons to meet Mr Wickham at the quarry, where there is much tentacle-slashing and unpleasantness … Mr Darcy requires an heir and Elizabeth offers to help, although Mr Darcy has to leave for London before they can proceed further … Mr Bingley enters an unwise business arrangement … Elizabeth has a confusing conversation with old Mr Firth … Wickham fails to charm Becoming Jane … Colonel Sutherland sends Wickham to Whitechapel, where he meets Annie Chapman and observes Mr Darcy going into Mr Collins’ Mission … In the Mission, Mary Ann Nicholls is Chosen by Mr Darcy, subsequently giving unnatural birth to an alien … The Dandy Highwayman and his tantalisingly unidentified accomplice kidnap a traveller, wipe his brain and probe him … Charlotte Collins, unwell and raving about tentacles, travels back to Rosings with Elizabeth … Wickham is himself on his way to Rosings after acquiring a beard … Lydia is still missing.
So there we are. It all makes perfect sense. Comments are open, should you wish to add your twopenn’orth. This is a respectable site, so no intemperate language or lewd behaviour will be tolerated. Anyone speaking French will obviously be shown the door immediately, as will anyone who asks for “Prussian”.
Now read on …
Comment » | Previously ...
January 18th, 2010 — 9:00am
(Being a service provided to late arrivals. Please do take your seats as quickly and quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the other readers. And remember, mobile telephonic devices should be switched OFF.)
Elizabeth receives a mysterious summons to meet Mr Wickham at the quarry, where there is much tentacle-slashing and unpleasantness … Mr Darcy requires an heir and Elizabeth offers to help, although Mr Darcy has to leave for London before they can proceed further … Mr Bingley enters an unwise business arrangement … Elizabeth has a confusing conversation with old Mr Firth … Wickham fails to charm Becoming Jane … Colonel Sutherland diverts Wickham to Whitechapel … Mary Ann Nicholls meets Mr Collins and goes to his Mission … The Dandy Highwayman and his tantalisingly unidentified accomplice kidnap a traveller with intent to probe … Charlotte Collins is unwell and raving about tentacles … Wickham meets Annie Chapman and makes a startling discovery … Lydia is still missing.
So there we are. It all makes perfect sense. Comments are open, should you wish to add your twopenn’orth. This is a respectable site, so no intemperate language or lewd behaviour will be tolerated. Anyone speaking French will obviously be shown the door immediately, as will anyone who asks for “Prussian”.
Now read on …
Comment » | Previously ...
January 4th, 2010 — 9:00am
(Being a service provided to late arrivals)
Elizabeth receives a mysterious summons to meet Mr Wickham at the quarry, where there is much tentacle-slashing and unpleasantness … Mr Darcy requires an heir and Elizabeth offers to help, although Mr Darcy has to leave for London before they can proceed further … Mr Bingley enters an unwise business arrangement … Elizabeth has a confusing conversation with old Mr Firth … Wickham fails to charm Becoming Jane … Colonel Sutherland diverts Wickham to Whitechapel … Mary Ann Nicholls meets Mr Collins … Lydia is still missing.
So there we are. Comments are open, should you wish to add your twopenn’orth. This is a respectable site, so no intemperate language or lewd behaviour will be tolerated. Anyone speaking French will obviously be shown the door immediately.
Mrs Darcy would also be most obliged if you could make your way over to the Preditors and Editors site, where they are holding their annual poll, and vote for “Mrs Darcy vs The Aliens” in what they amusingly refer to as the “Science Fiction and Fantasy Novels” section.
Now read on …
Comment » | Previously ...
