Mrs Darcy vs The Aliens

The soft morning sun cast a soothing glow over the Pemberley breakfast table. Elizabeth stifled a yawn and helped herself to another slice of pound cake. Her head was less sore than it had been when she awoke, but it was still throbbing regularly in time with the clock on the mantelpiece. On mornings like these, she was grateful for her husband’s habitual taciturnity. However, at that point, Fitzwilliam Darcy gave a little cough, and her ears pricked up in response.

“Are you well, my dear?” he said, “You seem a little distracted this morning.”

“I am perfectly well, my beloved,” she said. “However, I fear I did not sleep at all well last night.”

“Ah,” said her husband, satisfied with her reply. She could tell that he hadn’t quite finished, and a few moments later, there was another cough.

“I … have to go to London for a few days today,” he said.

“So soon after your last visit?”

“Yes, my dear. Business.”

“Really? You gentlemen certainly know how to enjoy yourselves.”

As usual, she could tell from his face that he wasn’t entirely sure as to whether he should treat this comment at face value or as a joke.

“Indeed,” he said after some thought. “Indeed we do. However, I’m sure you don’t wish our breakfast to be sullied with tiresome talk about investments and suchlike.”

“I’m sure I don’t,” agreed Elizabeth, with some feeling. Silence hung in the air for a few moments longer, and then her husband coughed again. She almost made some comment about getting the physician in to see if there was anything that could be done about it, but thought better of it.

“I … I have been giving some thought to another pressing matter,” said Mr Darcy. He seemed reluctant to elucidate.

“Go on,” said Elizabeth.

“As you will be aware,” he said, “My … estate is worth in excess of ten thousand pounds a year, and … it is therefore incumbent on me, now that I have a wife, to consider … to consider … the question of … the question of … succession.”

“Meaning?” said Elizabeth, raising one eyebrow.

“Meaning I wish to … I wish to … re-open the question of an heir.”

Elizabeth considered this for a moment or two. “My dear Fitzy, I would be very happy to assist in this,” she said. “Although, from what I understand, the procedure would of necessity require both of us to be involved – indeed, that both of us should be in considerable proximity to each other for the duration of the procedure. And if you are intending to be in London for the foreseeable future, this would seem to pose an insurmountable barrier to such a conception.”

Mr Darcy came close to smiling at this. “My dear Elizabeth, you tease me,” he said. “It can wait until my return.” He gave her a meaningful look. “And when we … would you … would you mind … wearing that …”

“The one with the …?”

“Yes, yes, that one. That one. Yes, that’s the one.” He was deep in thought again. “And would you like me to …?”

“No, no, it’s quite all right,” she replied, and then instantly regretted her haste. But even in the summer months, the wet shirt was getting to be a bit of a dampener on proceedings.